Jeff witnessed the finale, of course. But Dr. Carter filled him in on what he missed and discussed the motivation behind the things he made me do. That I should learn from listening was probably Dr. Carter’s intention.Jeff learned for the first time of the early fantasies involving my neighbor and how I had been so conflicted, so twisted by religion that I had closed up like a steel trap. I had been unable to handle the conflict between my body’s needs, my fantasies, and the teachings of my parents and the church.Then he discussed what he felt were the keys to bringing me back to life, turning me into a well adjusted adult with a healthy appreciation for my own sexuality.I watched Jeff’s face. He’s as shocked by Dr. Carter’s treatment plan as I am. He didn’t go into what he’ll be working on here at his office. Instead, he spelled out what he wants to happen in our home. It didn’t sound like a good idea to me.From this day on, Dr. Carter doesn’t want me to wear any clothing at. My feelings for him were tearing me apart. It was torture then and it still is now. Do you understand why? Can you see that I can’t even think about another man? I was 16 when this happened, and a fairly naïve 16 at that.’ She seemed defeated after this outburst, flat, lifeless, as though something had been drained from her body. I felt desperately sorry for her. I could see how she would be affected by something like this for the whole of her life. I continued to cuddle her and ‘sshhhsshhh’ her as she cried on my shoulder. Then she gathered herself together. ‘It’s not fair,’ she said, ‘to burden you with my problems, I have to solve them my own way. I’m sorry I was so nasty to you. Do you know I wanted to scratch your eyes out on Sunday. It was obvious you two were sleeping together and just now I could have killed you, you know. It is so painful to see you so happy with him, having him, you know, like that. I met a few of his girlfriends after his divorce but none of them seemed to.
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